Letter to Asher and Adirah

Asher:
Last week Daddy and I got to go out to dinner for the evening. After a night out I returned home feeling refreshed. The babysitter said that you asked if I would kiss you and lie next to you for a while when I got home. So I went into your room. You were sound asleep with a peaceful look on your face. I did lie next to you and rubbed your back lightly. You seemed so big to me and suddenly I could picture you as a full grown man. I imagined what your face looked like, your voice and your long arms and legs. Now I am often exhausted from the constant attention you want from me every day. But lying next to you I was wondering how long I would be the center of your world. Not much longer. Even as I write this it brings tears to my eyes and tugs at my heart.

Adirah:
Then, I went upstairs to check on you, Adirah. After being with Asher you now looked tiny. Your hair stood up on her head and your arm was across your body. Your tiny hand was clutching the blanket. You looked so sweet and happy. "I love you.........." I whispered, as I often do. I felt blessed and overwhelmed with love.

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Summer Milestones

Asher is learning how to ride his bike without training wheels! And today we went to swim class and he got promoted to the next level. He can swim now, head down arms circling and legs kicking. He is shedding his baby skin as he meets new challenges and he glows with pride when he realizes his successes. The summer began with a preschool graduation. For weeks prior, Asher wanted to know "how many days till I graduate?" The day finally came and Asher walked proudly under the canopy of arms of the other parents and non-graduating children. Then recently, after months of summer days at home, Asher visited his preschool for a day. As a visitor, a graduate. When we got there he saw old preschool friends and hugged them with gusto. He skipped off to the bathroom to wash his hands and went to play a little more. When I told him I was ready to go and I would see him at pickup, he ran over to me smiling and said, "Mom! All the things here are too small for me!" I looked at ...

Toilet Paper Roll Binoculars

I have had my own life before this one as a mother. I have lived in a college dorm, lived alone moved two times to two different states where I did not know one single person. I bought a house when I was twenty-five and traveled to Central America by myself when I turned thirty. I have had free time I didn't even know was free time. Time for conversations with friends, time for spontaneous meals at restaurants, time to sit on a beach, read the paper, or even take a nap. So I know my life has taken a sharp turn when I consider free time to be a trip down to the basement to put laundry in the dryer. I had such "free time" yesterday. It was 4:30 pm, Adirah woke from her nap in a good mood. Asher was happy with an art project. What I didn't know was that Asher was also spiraling down to a blood sugar induced low, as he almost always has to be convinced to eat. He often has severe mood swings and breakdowns when he becomes hungry, yet refuses to eat in that state. The on...

Quotable Quotes

Recently I hugged Asher and said, "I love you." Asher responded, "I love YOU!" and then said, "Mom? I don't know why I love you so much, but I think it is a good idea if I save a little love in my heart for someone I don't even know." Another day Asher would not do anything I asked and gave me many reasons why he shouldn't do what I asked. "Asher," I said, "stop arguing with me." "I am not arguing! Asher replied and then added, "and what does arguing mean anyway?"

Blessed Unrest

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